Forgive FailureMay 16, 2022
When I was growing up, I was terrified of failure. In fact, I can honestly say I did not try, because if I did and I failed, well, this would solidify my greatest fear. It would mean I would not be loved, for I associated love with success. Little did I know that the darkness within must be looked at, truly forgiven, until it is forgotten. This then allows the truth of light to be made manifest, Perfect Love, which cannot fail for it belongs to the extension of grace, not the projection of guilt.
I was around 14 or 15 the first time I felt a deep, humiliating failure. I had won a 200-meter running race at school and was selected to represent St Catherine's Girls School at the regionals. I did not want to train after school and I actively resisted. I was at a rebellious age and was being pushed to do something that I did not want to do. To be honest, if I had looked within, it would have told me that I was not good enough and I was not going to win. With limited self-belief, this was not going to pan out well.
The day arrived and as a group of teens edged closer together at the starting line, huddled, waiting for the gun to sound, 4 of us made a pact. We would not run but walk. It sounded like a great idea. They too did not want to be on this large track in barely-there clothing, although I was obviously filled with naivety, even after we all shook on this. The gun blasted and everyone took off running. Even the other three young ladies that I had just met and agreed to walk with. What would I do? Everyone was off racing. I had gently stood over the line. They were gone. I was filled with guilt and remorse. I would do as I promised. I decided to walk. As the group of 20-odd girls moved at speed around this track, I was ambling. These private school girls, hundreds of them, of whom I did not know, began to clap me as I walked past the stands. The more they sounded the greater the humiliation I had. I wanted to be swallowed up at this moment, and I thought of these other three girls that I felt betrayed by. As I walked I wondered why they lied to me? I mean, purposely lied. Don't get me wrong, I have not always kept my word, so I am not blaming them. Yet, over 30-years have past and this memory is still at the forefront of my mind. Why? Because it is a shadow of suffering I have not truly forgiven. The problem was not that they did not keep their word, but rather, I did not believe in myself to run. I thought I would lose, even before the gun sounded.
The fault is always within, it is never without.
If I could go back in time, to this 14-year-old schoolgirl, what would I say to her? I would say, just try. For if you continue to apply yourself, to knock on the door until it opens, every failure you find will lead you to the success you seek. The key is not to get caught up in the darkness, but to learn that there is nothing to fear from it.
When you no longer fear failure you will have the success you seek.
As I started to wake up, to come to know the true importance of cleaning within, to dissolve the darkness I see without, I received a spiritual message. "Find the truth of Perfect Love within, and you will not be denied." This meant that I needed to clean out the hidden hate and secret sin that I had buried within, until only the truth of love remained. Then, instead of seeing pain, punishment, and problems outside of myself, I would start to extend light and witness to happiness, healing, joy, success, peace, prosperity, support, abundance, creativity, etc. For these gifts of grace belong to the light, not to the dark.
Why is this so? Well, what you think within is what you see without. When failure begins and you back off, you simply bury the darkness and gradually over time, because you are too scared to face the fear within, it becomes a concrete wall to keep you trapped to lack, loss, and limitation. When fear arises and the idea of failure starts creeping, do not tremble under pressure, instead, rise to the occasion and clean up the fear that sees you playing small. To stand in your power is to undo the darkness that dims your light. So, next time failure finds you, do not shrink and back down. Continue to move ahead, unsure of where you are going, but be confident to undo that which makes you less than what You are in truth: perfect, peaceful and powerful. Even if the road you travel becomes a dead-end, you will have gained the tools to tackle the next idea you are meant to follow. Eventually, you will wake one day and all thoughts of failure will be dissolved from your mind, and what was once punishing has become the means for true healing. There will be nothing to fear with failure, for you have learned that every failure leads to success, when you turn those blocks into steps to reach for the stars.
Do not let failure or fear hold you back. Truly forgive, by following The Treasure Map, which is how you undo the darkness within to discover the light, and day by day you will rise from being nothing to being everything, for you will find the truth of who You are: Oneness with Perfect Love.
What you fear is what you must truly forgive, for the light has been concealed within the darkness.
I have failed more times than I can count, but when I finally faced my fear of it, instead of backing down, I learned that there was nothing to fear. Why be humiliated when you gave your best? It is those that do not try, that do not apply themselves, that will never learn how powerful they are. You must learn to face the fear, truly forgive it, to become free from it. And on the other side of the dark lessons in time are the light and loving ones that reward you kindly.
It is time to stand up to be All that You were born to be: perfect, peaceful and powerful.
Much love, peace, and Truforgiveness,